What likely first comes to mind when you consider how you spend your energy are activities that are regarded as "draining" — work, commuting, running errands, and the list goes on.
Smaller, more frequent events, however, can be just as draining. The New York Times bestselling author of "The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free," Melissa Urban, the co-founder and CEO of Whole30, refers to those as "energy leakages.”
Even though it's not a medical term, Urban defines energy leakage as "the invisible ways that we spend energy throughout the day that leave us feeling drained.”
Every interaction you have, whether you're meeting your mom for lunch or responding to a social media comment, is an energetic exchange, she said. However, sometimes these exchanges can leave you feeling really depleted, anxious, overwhelmed, and frustrated.
In other words, according to Urban, interactions that cause energy leakage are those that use "more energy than they're giving back.”
Therefore, you might be experiencing energy leakage if you have a friend who always treats you like a therapist or if you get angry when you scroll through pictures of an ex.
Here are a few surprising ways you're using up your energy and what you can do to stop it.
Social media and your phone are significant energy leakage sources.
Your phone and social media are the main sources of energy leakage. And the majority of the time, checking social media drains your energy, especially if you're on Instagram comparing your life to someone else's, visiting a toxic account, or reading offensive comments.
Do you ever feel better after stalking someone on social media? Most likely not.
Children can also be exhausting.
Kids, as wonderful as they are, can also cause energy leakage, according to Urban.
Kids are constantly in need of things, and they lack the mental capacity for you to say, "Dude, I need a minute," as she put it.
Children truly need things when they do. And while that's understandable (you can't exactly tell a 4-year-old to prepare their own dinner), there are some ways in which you might be contributing to this energy leak.
If you frequently check in on your child while they're quietly playing or inquire about their needs for a snack or drink when they appear content, Urban suggested that you may be spending extra energy on your child (like many parents can't help but do). In the end, you're increasing your own level of stress at a time when your child is actually doing just fine.
Beyond children, certain individuals in your life may act as "energy vampires.”
Everyone, according to Urban, is aware of how it feels to end a conversation with an "energy vampire." You merely feel as though they have sucked all of your life from you.
These could be coworkers who nag you about their jobs all the time or family members who demand a lot of your support but don't reciprocate.
You probably know someone who fits the description of an "energy vampire"; telltale signs include feeling completely spent or exhausted after an interaction.
Urban pointed out that people-pleasers may find this particularly difficult. Because they just keep taking, you might feel like dealing with energy vampires is particularly difficult.
Another offender is holding onto anger over things that ought to be put in the past.
How many times have you been delayed in traffic and allowed it to ruin the rest of the day?
Another significant cause of energy leakage, according to Urban, is the expenditure of energy on things that have already happened.
She added that the same holds true for harboring resentments as well as anything that directs our attention to the past or future, including practicing failure and self-talk.
A sense of being unfocused is related to energy leakage.
The idea of energy leakage makes Alayna L. Park, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Oregon, think of mindlessness, the opposite of mindfulness, which she defined as "paying attention to the present moment.”
Park defines mindlessness as operating automatically.
She went on to say that while "going on autopilot isn't always going to drain your energy," many of the actions that do, like checking our phones, scrolling through social media, or accepting an invitation to an event we don't want to go to, happen when our minds are in this state.
According to Park, "we're just kind of going through our day without always having an intention in mind," which can be especially harmful when it comes to activities that drain you.
There are methods for overcoming this sensation.
In order to motivate yourself, Park advised giving yourself a small reward after exhausting tasks. By doing this, you'll give yourself something to anticipate during a taxing activity or interaction.
The reward need not be substantial. Simple solutions include rewarding yourself with a piece of chocolate after dealing with a situation that made you feel as though your energy was leaking out or taking a brief walk after meeting an energy-sucking person.
Park additionally recommended using a timer for actions that result in energy loss. For instance, you can set a time limit so you won't just be endlessly scrolling social media even though you know it drains your energy.
However, the amount of time required to replenish your energy will differ.
In order to deal with your energy leakage, Urban said it's critical to understand where you get your energy from, whether you're introverted (meaning you get your energy from time alone) or extroverted (meaning you get your energy from being around other people).
If you're unsure of whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, Urban suggested using Susan Cain's "super simple introvert-extrovert model" to figure out where you get your energy.
You may require less quiet or alone time to restore energy leakage if you are an extroverted person who gets energized from being around other people, according to Urban. Instead, you may want to choose to spend time with those individuals.
She pointed out that introverts will probably require a lot more alone time to recharge.
Keep a record of what triggers these feelings.
It's okay if you are unsure of what specifically saps your energy, according to Park. Make a point of noting your actions in the days to come if you notice you experience this sense of energy leakage at the end of each day.
Pay attention to your actions, emotions, and physical sensations to figure out what is causing you to feel this way, she advised.
In terms of our emotions, Park said that as we approach emotional exhaustion, "we might notice we're a little more irritable than usual, or down, or anxious." Additionally, she said, you might feel your face getting hot or notice that your heart is racing.
A further telling sign? You might be experiencing energy leakage if you're going about your daily activities without engaging in necessary self-care activities like exercising or maintaining order in your home.
Take a step back and consider the activities or interactions throughout the day that may have contributed to this situation if any of this resonates with you.
It almost seems like an all or nothing situation — you're fine and then you realize, "Oh, I'm really drained right now," "A common problem I see is that it's almost an all or nothing situation," It can be beneficial to catch before you reach the "I'm completely drained right now" stage, according to Park.
It's crucial to establish limits.
Setting boundaries with friends, family, coworkers, or coparents who are stepping outside of your capacity is crucial to preventing energy leakage, according to Urban.
This can involve letting someone know that some subjects are off-limits, that you don't want to engage in gossip, or that you'll end a conversation if it becomes hostile.
The need that your energy leakage is trying to communicate to you should be addressed by your boundaries, so if something leaves you feeling exhausted or anxious, you probably need to set some boundaries.
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